Feris

Feris' story is collected especially for the SHHH project. All informants and stories in this project have been anonymised. All names are changed.

I was 19 years old and in university. My boyfriend and I were using primitive methods of protection because I refused to take any pills. I didn't want to put any chemicals in my body. I took a test without telling my boyfriend, and found out I was pregnant. 

I immediately woke my boyfriend up in a panic. I was devastated. Within five minutes, I called my mother. My mother was the person I could communicate with easily. She has raised me not be ashamed to be a woman, not to be ashamed to have sex, and assuring me that she will help me with anything, anytime. My boyfriend was next to me the whole time, but I didn’t feel any support from him.

I could say I made the decision on my own, but actually it felt like there was not even a decision. It was just a moment where I knew that it was impossible to have a baby, unwed and at 19. So the decision was more on how to go forward with an abortion.

My mother arranged an appointment at a hospital. I had my abortion with partial anesthesia. I didn’t have any physical complications afterwards.

To this day I am a firm believer of abortion if the woman wants one. I do not think of fetuses at the time for abortion as babies, or that they have souls. I can not get my head around the perspective that an adult woman is less important than an unborn tiny group of cells. If one can eat bird eggs, then abortion is nothing next to it. I also do not think it is fair that women are directed towards taking chemicals as contraception their whole life.

I had a baby as a result of my fifth pregnancy, after three abortions and one miscarriage.