Kim

Kim comes from an urban area in Sweden. Kim is transgender. In 2017, when Kim was 27 years old, they had an abortion. This is Kim’s story.

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    OTALT/Helene Karlsson

Kim's story is collected especially for the SHHH project. All informants and stories in this project have been anonymised. All names are changed.

When my pregnancy test showed positive, I felt cold and apathetic. This was not fucking fair. I was angry with the situation, angry with my fuckbuddy and angry with myself.

Kim

I had a fuckbuddy who had done a vasectomy, gotten the snip. At the start, I insisted we used a condom anyway, to make sure, but eventually I let go of control. We had sex six times without a condom, and then I didn’t get my period. Later we learned that his tube had grown back after surgery and that he was no longer sterile. When my pregnancy test showed positive, I felt cold and apathetic. This was not fucking fair. I was angry with the situation, angry with my fuckbuddy and angry with myself.

The worst part was the time between the discovery of my pregnancy and my abortion. I googled to find an abortion clinic, and called to make an appointment. That was on a Thursday night, and the first available appointment was on Monday. It felt like an eternity. I cried a lot and didn’t want to do anything. Eating disgusted me. I didn’t want to feed the parasite growing inside of me.

The gynecologist asked if I was sure I wanted an abortion. I replied that I had never been so sure about anything in my entire life. Then, she gave me the first pill. The second pill I got to bring home. Two days later I took it. I felt so liberated! The abortion itself was not too bad. The way I remember it, it felt like period cramps, and a heavy bleeding.

When I think back on the most important decisions of my life, the ones I’m happiest with, my top three are:

1. my abortion
2. my abortion
3. my abortion​

I never wanted to have children, and I still don’t.

After my abortion, I began looking for stories about abortion. Most of them were about straight women in monogamous relationships with a guy, women who wanted to have children later but not now. There was a lack of stories of people who never wanted kids, neither now nor in the future. As a not very monogamous queer, trans person, who never wanted children, I still felt rather alone in my experience.

To accept it, and to not feel ashamed, I started telling people my story online. For each time I wrote about it, it got easier. Now I feel fine about more people finding out. I’ve started to feel like this is something I want to share with others.