Loris

Loris' story is collected especially for the SHHH project. All informants and stories in this project have been anonymised. All names are changed.

We were talking about it and after a few pregnancy tests we discussed what to do. For both of us it was clear that we didn’t know each other so well. We had only been together for a few weeks.

I said, that anyhow I would be the father of this kid, even if we wouldn’t be together for a long time. But she didn’t want it at any cost, because she had to work and earn her money. As she was the mother and I am a feminist, I respected her decision, although I was not happy with that.

It was not difficult to find out where to get assistance. She already knew, and how to do it the official way in Germany.

At that moment the abortion seemed to be an easy thing, but psychologically it turned out to be devastating. For her it seemed not to be a big issue, because it was already her third abortion. But I was sad, because I would have liked to let the baby live. It was my first child and I love children.

Later I realized that with this act our relationship was finished, because she didn’t consider my wish to save this life.

For me it is important to see the whole thing. If we would have a society promoting motherhood and children, this problem would not exist, because then every mother (and father), who get a child, would be supported on every level by a family-friendly society. They would have a flat, they would have money and respect for being parents. From my point of view, this kind of western society sucks. They proclaim that they are family-friendly, but they are only lobby- and money-orientated. Human values are not important; the whole story of abortion is the consequence of this.