Almas

Almas' story is collected especially for the SHHH project. All informants and stories in this project have been anonymised. All names are changed.

I had several abortions in Azerbaijan, where I come from, and one, the last one, in Germany, where I live now. I always made abortion decisions with my husband. I have not regretted these decisions because they were the best for my family. 

The first abortion was shortly after the birth of my child. I was young and did not know how to use contraception properly. Since I had certain health problems, I had to think about what was best for me and my baby. 

After the abortion I was in physical pain, but emotionally well. At the hospital I saw women crying after abortions, because they did not want to have an abortion, but had to, for various reasons. I have never cried before or after an abortion and I don't understand the women who do.

The last abortion I had this year in Germany. When I woke up from general anesthesia, I felt completely well, without pain, as if nothing had happened.
To me it was important that I had an abortion right at the beginning of pregnancy and that I did not hear the baby's heartbeat.

I made the best decision for myself and my children. As a mother, I have a great responsibility and I give my best in raising and caring for my children. I have to take good care of the children I give birth to and I have always been aware of the responsibility I have for my children. That is why I do not perceive abortion as bad, but as something good and something well thought out.

My friend has two children and one of the children is ill. When she became pregnant for the third time, she was carrying twins. Doctors discovered that one fetus had the same disease and it was killed by an injection through the mother's abdominal wall in the 4th month of pregnancy. The mother was able to listen to the heartbeat until the end of the procedure and it was very difficult for her to hear the child's heartbeat disappear. She was crying and it was very hard for her. In such situations, I understand that mothers cry.

A child is a gift from God and it is important that the child is healthy. If the child is not healthy, the mother should have an abortion at any time. It is better for her to cry because she has heard the baby's heartbeat, than to cry for the rest of her life over a sick or disabled child. It is also bad for the child to be born with disability.

My mother was often telling me that I already have daughters and that in the case of a planned abortion I should wait until the third month of pregnancy. If it is a boy, I should not have an abortion, but if it is a girl, I should terminate the pregnancy. I would never have an abortion because of the gender, and I do not accept this idea at all.