Maria

Maria's story is collected especially for the SHHH project. All informants and stories in this project have been anonymised. All names are changed.

My husband and I used to run a refuge in the mountains in the summer. That was very exhausting for me with the four children. I cooked for fifty people every day. Then I tidied everything up. I had no help with that.

When a fifth child announced itself, it overwhelmed me. I was tired, I probably had a depression. It was clear to me that I didn't want this child, although I love children very much. My husband agreed, even though we were both Catholic.

But it was not easy at that time. I first tried herbs, in vain. Then I went to a woman. At that time, it had just become legal, but I wouldn't have dared to ask a doctor. Some women told me about this woman, behind closed doors. It's still difficult for me to speak about it and I don't want to tell you who she was. Today I know that it was dangerous. 

My four children have long been parents themselves, and I am even a great-grandmother of five. It's good that women today can decide for themselves.